Saturday, 4 October 2008

The Best Of 'The Best Of Shrdlu'

I'm away at my folks' this weekend, so taking a little bit of a break. So, instead of commentary on the latest goings-on in the financial markets and the US Presidential Race, here's some funny misprints instead. These are all from a book I found on my bookshelf there entitled 'The Best of Shrdlu'...

10. Fair Test

Dear Madam,
With reference to your blue raincoat, our manufacturers have given the garment in question a thorough testing, and find that it is absolutely waterproof. If you will wear it on a dry day, and then take it off and examine it you will see that our statement is correct.

Your obedient servant,
Blank & Co, Drapers

9. Covering All Bases
Do not wash the plastic ear pieces of your stethoscope with fragrant, floral scented soaps. If you do, bees will fly in your ears looking for honey.
- New England Journal of Medicine

8. Tasty Paws
Whichever method is used for cleaning the dog's paws, make sure that the paw is thoroughly washed with lukewarm water and is thoroughly dried. Spread with cayenne cheese. Place 2 or 3 asparagus tips on each and sprinkle on a little cayenne pepper.
- South Wales Gazette & Newport News

7. No Shit, Sherlock
During the past few days, three bicycles have been stolen from Exeter streets. The police consider that a bicycle thief is at work.
- Western Morning News

6. Sock It To 'Em
The manufacturers of this sock MUST be washed in LUKEWARM water, NOT HOT, and well rinsed to remove soap.
- Instructions with Pearlustra socks

5. How Many Surrealists Does It Take To Write A Crime Report?
'The vast majority of those in the sports world are honest men,' Brickley said. 'The fact that a relative few have had contacts with alleged betting ring could be serious or something relatively innocent. Maybe stupid, but relatively innocent.'
Another man who was arrested said 'On the far side of the moon the crust was thick and solid and meteorites merely blasted craters.'
- Oakland Tribune

4. I Should Hope Not
In the handicrafts exhibition at Wordsley Community Centre, the contribution of the Misses Smith was 'smocking and rugs' and not 'smoking drugs' as stated in last week's report.
- The Stourbridge County Express

3. Well That's That Proven
Recent tests conducted by a zoologist prove that grasshoppers hear with their legs. In all cases the insects hopped when a tuning fork was sounded nearby. There was no reaction to this stimulus, however, when the insects' legs had been removed.
- Corning Glass Works Magazine

2. You're Under Arrest
By an unfortunate typographical error we were made to say last week that the retiring Mr D___ was a member of the defective branch of the police force. Of course this should have read: 'The detective branch of the police farce.'
- New Zealand paper

1. Don't Think About Food!
FLORIDA GIRL LOSES 79lbs
'I was the hippiest girl in weight naturally. Without town,' said Wanda Dawson of harmful drugs, too Ayds are Jacksonville, Florida, when she available in a chewy vanilla weighed 223lbs. Her husband caramel, in a plain chocolate even called her a short bale of fudge type and a minty choco-cotton. Finally her boss lady late fudge.
- Advert in Binghampton Evening Press

No comments: